8370

A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever.

Ahhhhhhhhhhchoooooooooooooo!

__________________
A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.

8371

Little Johnny Strikes Again.. lol

Little Johnny was 7 years old and like other boys his age rather curious. He had been hearing quite a bit about 'courting' from the older boys, and he wondered what it was and how it was done. One day he took his question to his mother, who became rather flustered. Instead of explaining this to Johnny, she told him to hide behind the curtains one night and watch his older sister and her boyfriend. This he did.


The following morning, Johnny described EVERYTHING to his mother.


"Sis and her boyfriend sat and talked for a while, then he started hugging and kissing her I figured 'Sis must be getting sick because her face started looking funny. He must have thought so too because he put his hand inside her blouse to feel her heart, just the way the doctor would. Except he's not as smart as the doctor because he seemed to have trouble finding her heart. I guess he was getting sick too, because pretty soon both of them started panting and getting all out of breath. His other hand must have been cold because he put it under her skirt. About this time 'Sis got worse and began to moan and sigh and squirm around and slide down toward the end of the couch. this is when her fever started.


I knew it was a fever, because 'Sis told him she felt really hot. Finally, I found out what was making them so sick -- a big eel had gotten inside his pants somehow. It just jumped out of his pants and stood there, about 10 inches long, honest, anyway, he grabbed it in one hand to keep it from getting away. When Sis saw it she got really scared -- her eyes got big, and her mouth fell open, and she started calling out to God and stuff like that. She said it was the biggest one she'd ever seen; I should tell her about the ones down by the lake by our house! Anyway, Sis was brave and tried to kill the eel by biting its head off. All of a sudden she grabbed it with both hands and held it tight while he took a muzzle out of his pocket and slipped it over the eel's head to keep it from biting again.


Sis lay back and spread her legs so she could get a scissor-lock on it and he helped by lying on top of the eel. The eel put up a hell of a fight. Sis started groaning and squealing and her boyfriend almost upset the couch. I guess they wanted to kill the eel by squashing it between them. Her boyfriend got up, and sure enough, they killed the eel. I knew because it just hung there, limp, and some of its insides were hanging out.


Sis and her boyfriend were a little tired from the battle, but they went back to courting anyway. He started hugging and kissing her again. By golly, the eel wasn't dead! It jumped straight up and started to fight again. I guess eels are like cats -- they have nine lives or something. This time, Sis jumped up and tried to kill it by sitting on it. After about a 35 minute struggle, they finally killed the eel. I knew it was dead, because I saw Sis's boyfriend peel its skin off and flush it down the toilet.

__________________
A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.

8372

Oral sex is on the rise amongst 12-14 year olds in the US and most believe that it is not in fact a sexual practice

__________________
A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.

8373

More than 60% of Australian males interviewed for the 1999 Durex Global Sex Survey said they prefer the woman to make the first move or to initiate the topic of sex

__________________
A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.

8374

Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth.

__________________
A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.

8375

Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow.

__________________
A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.

8376


Actual Hospital chart bloopers

Taken from actual hospital charts….

She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

Discharge status: Alive, but without my permission.

Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

The patient refused autopsy.

The patient has no previous history of suicides.

Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

Patient’s medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

She is numb from her toes down.

While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

The skin was moist and dry.

Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

Patient was alert and unresponsive.

Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. (Ouch!!!)

She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. (This chart was framed and now hangs on his wall. No pun intended.)

The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead. (He was a lawyer before)

Skin: somewhat pale but present.

The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities.

__________________
A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.

8377

A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day. One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, “You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business failed, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you stayed right here. When my health started failing, you were still by my side…You know what?”

“What dear?” she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

“I think you’re bad luck, why don’t you fuck off.”

__________________
A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.

8378

If you lived as a child in the 40’s, 50’s, 60’s or 70’s:

Looking back, it’s hard to believe that we have lived as long as we have…

As children, we had no childproof lids on medicine bottles, doors, or
cabinets, and when we rode our bikes, we had no helmets. And we’d ride
in cars with no seatbelts or airbags. Occasionally a kid would drink a bottle
of pills or fly through a window, but hey, they aren’t around to wax philosophical about their childhood, now are they?

Those classic cars got about six miles to the gallon, by the way, damaging the environment and making the air unbreathable…

We ate cupcakes, bread and butter, and drank sugar soda but we were never fat. We sure are now. 56% of us are overweight, and another 13% are grossly obese…

We did not have Playstations, Nintendo 64, X-Boxes, video games at all, 99 channels on cable, video tape movies, surround sound, personal cell phones, Personal Computers, Internet chat rooms…we had really cool stuff like goldfish eating, sock hops, pet rocks, and practicing “duck and cover”.

We rode bikes or walked to a friend’s home and knocked on the door, or rung the bell or just walked in and talked to them.

Imagine such a thing. Without asking a parent! By ourselves! Out there in the cold cruel world! Without a guardian. How did we do it?

As parents ourselves, we maintain absolute control over our own children,
monitoring and filtering their consumption of said video games, movies, phones, computers, and chat rooms, denying them even a semblance of freedom or independence.

When we were kids, good ole “Jim Crow” laws barred Negros from access
to employment and to public places such as restaurants, hotels, and other facilities…

A woman’s place was in the home. If she was working, she was expected to be a secretary, a stewardess, or a nurse. Of course, she was paid almost nothing compared to a man…

Polio was rampant, killing thousands of fellow Americans and and disabling tens of thousands of others every year…

Remember polio?

We had fights and punched each other and got black and blue and learned to get over it. Like that one boy down the block who liked other boys…we kicked his ass good.

Little League had tryouts and not everyone made the team. Those who didn’t, like girls, who can’t throw or catch, had to learn to deal with disappointment…. Some students, such as the colored children, weren’t as smart as others so they failed a grade and were held back to repeat the same grade…horrors!

Racially-biased tests were not adjusted for any reason.

This generation has produced some of the most self-congratulatory, responsibility-avoiding, hypocritical bunch of crybabies ever. In 50 years we had an explosion of “me-ism,” greed, myopia, and self-indulgence. We had freedom, failure, success and responsibility, and we squandered most of it in pursuit of our own self-interests.

And you’re one of them.

Congratulations!

__________________
A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.

8379 and LMAO Cheyanne

8380

8381

Glad you like dicksbro

__________________
A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.

8382

Q: What do you call a virgin on a waterbed?
A: A cherry float.

__________________
A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.

8383

Q: What's the fluid capacity of Monica Lewinsky's mouth?
A: 1 U.S. leader

__________________
A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.

8384

Q: Why do walruses go to Tupperware parties?
A: To find a tight seal.

__________________
A blessed thing it is for any man or woman to have a friend, one human soul whom we can trust utterly, who knows the best and worst of us, and who loves us in spite of all our faults.