12-11-2003, 06:33 AM
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Pixies Horse Widower
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Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Scotland
Posts: 9,492
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Good News?!?!
A stunning young secretary walks into her boss's office, without knocking.
"What is it?" he asks, a bit annoyed at being interrupted at his work.
"I'm afraid I have some bad news for you" she replies.
The boss isn't happy.....
"Why do you always have to give me BAD news" he complains, "Can't you tell me some good news for a change?"
"Alright then, I will..." she says........
"You're NOT Sterile!!!"
__________________
The selfish, they're all standing in line
Faithing and hoping to buy themselves time
Me, I figure as each breath goes by
I only own my mind
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12-11-2003, 05:10 PM
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Pixies Horse Widower
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Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Scotland
Posts: 9,492
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Just a little light relief!!
Watch what you wish for!
__________________
The selfish, they're all standing in line
Faithing and hoping to buy themselves time
Me, I figure as each breath goes by
I only own my mind
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12-11-2003, 05:11 PM
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Pixies Horse Widower
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Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Scotland
Posts: 9,492
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Computer dating DOES have it's failures!!!
__________________
The selfish, they're all standing in line
Faithing and hoping to buy themselves time
Me, I figure as each breath goes by
I only own my mind
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12-11-2003, 05:12 PM
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Pixies Horse Widower
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Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Scotland
Posts: 9,492
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Sometimes, you can love your animals TOO much!
__________________
The selfish, they're all standing in line
Faithing and hoping to buy themselves time
Me, I figure as each breath goes by
I only own my mind
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12-11-2003, 05:14 PM
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Pixies Horse Widower
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Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Scotland
Posts: 9,492
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The "anti-drugs" message ISN'T just for the kids!!!
__________________
The selfish, they're all standing in line
Faithing and hoping to buy themselves time
Me, I figure as each breath goes by
I only own my mind
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12-11-2003, 05:16 PM
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Pixies Horse Widower
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Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Scotland
Posts: 9,492
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Market Research ISN'T just a "bunch of hokum" y'know 
__________________
The selfish, they're all standing in line
Faithing and hoping to buy themselves time
Me, I figure as each breath goes by
I only own my mind
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12-11-2003, 05:18 PM
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Pixies Horse Widower
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Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Scotland
Posts: 9,492
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Did you really, really WANT to get that tattoo?!
__________________
The selfish, they're all standing in line
Faithing and hoping to buy themselves time
Me, I figure as each breath goes by
I only own my mind
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12-11-2003, 05:19 PM
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Pixies Horse Widower
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Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Scotland
Posts: 9,492
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Last one for now...!
Cattle-country's FAVOURITE pastime!! 
__________________
The selfish, they're all standing in line
Faithing and hoping to buy themselves time
Me, I figure as each breath goes by
I only own my mind
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12-14-2003, 07:12 AM
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Just me.
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Join Date: May 2002
Location: West central Illinois
Posts: 590,002
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DM, yer' one in a million. Those are wonderful. What a great way to start a day.
Although the wildlife one ...  |
12-17-2003, 11:46 PM
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Fill This Space
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Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: MD
Posts: 1,673
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I thought i'd share what is apparently my dads new favorite joke w/yall ... its an interesting conversation starter at least. Here goes:
Dad: Erin have you ever smelled moth balls?
Me: yeah, why?
Dad: how didja get their little legs apart?
__________________
To know that you do not know is the best.
To pretend to know when you do not know is a disease.
Lao-tzu
I am prepared to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
Sir Winston Churchill
There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.
Friedrich Nietzsche
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12-18-2003, 09:27 AM
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Registered User
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Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: Maryland
Posts: 541,353
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Oldie but Goodie!
The Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a nativity scene in Washington, D.C. this Christmas.
However, this is not for any religious reason.
They simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin in the nation's capitol.
BUT… There was no problem, however, finding enough asses to fill the stable!
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Eudaimonia
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12-20-2003, 06:37 PM
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Pixies Horse Widower
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Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Scotland
Posts: 9,492
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The future is nigh!!
The world's first fully computerized airliner was ready for its maiden flight without pilots or crew.
The plane taxied to the loading area automatically, its doors opened automatically, the steps came out automatically.
The passengers boarded the plane and took their seats.
The steps retreated automatically, the doors closed, and the airplane taxied toward the runway.
"Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen," a computer voice intoned.
"Welcome to the debut of the world's first fully computerized airliner. Everything on this aircraft is run electronically. Just sit back and relax. Nothing can go wrong ... Nothing can go wrong...nothing can go wrong...."
__________________
The selfish, they're all standing in line
Faithing and hoping to buy themselves time
Me, I figure as each breath goes by
I only own my mind
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12-21-2003, 05:53 PM
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Jumpin' Jelly Bean
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: England
Posts: 954
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Q: What do Michael Jackson and Santa Clause have in common?
A: They both empty their ball sacks on little children.
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12-28-2003, 04:55 AM
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Just me.
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Join Date: May 2002
Location: West central Illinois
Posts: 590,002
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AHHHHHH CHOOOOO
A man is sitting next to a woman on a jet that's getting ready to take off. Suddenly, the man sneezes. He unzips his pants and wipes off the end of his penis with his handkerchief. He zips up and continues reading his magazine. The woman cannot believe what she just saw.
Then he sneezes again, unzips, pulls out his penis and wipes it off with a handkerchief. The woman says, "Excuse me, sir, but that is disgusting and rude — and if you do it again I am going to call the flight attendant and have you removed from this plane."
He says, "I am so sorry, but I have this very rare, embarrassing physical handicap that causes me to have an orgasm every time I sneeze."
The woman, disarmed by the man's honesty and somewhat embarrassed by her own callousness, says, "Oh you poor man. Are you taking anything for it?"
He answers, "Pepper."
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12-30-2003, 03:05 PM
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Pixies Horse Widower
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Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Scotland
Posts: 9,492
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Heaven? No THANKS!!! :)
An old lady dies and goes to heaven. She is chatting to St. Peter at the Pearly Gates when all of a sudden she hears the most awful bloodcurdling screams.
"Oh my goodness," says the old lady, "what is happening?"
"Don't worry about that," says St. Peter, "It's only someone having the holes bored on their shoulder blades for the wings."
The old lady looks a little uncomfortable but carries on with the conversation. Ten minutes later, there are more bloodcurdling screams.
"Oh my goodness," says the old lady, "now what is happening?"
"Not to worry," says St.Peter, "they are just having their head drilled to fit the halo."
Shaking her head, the old lady says, "I can't do this. I'm off down to hell."
"You can't go there," says St. Peter, "You'll be raped and sodomized."
"Sure" says the old lady, "but I've already got the holes for that!"
__________________
The selfish, they're all standing in line
Faithing and hoping to buy themselves time
Me, I figure as each breath goes by
I only own my mind
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