My neighbor calling to ask if I could back her car out of her garage for her because she keeps backing it into a snow drift. She told me, "I probably shouldn't be driving anymore since I can't see very well but dammit, I figure people will get out of my way if they see me coming."

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It takes a gutless mouse to play only when the cat's away.

No love, no friendship, can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever. ~~ Francois Mocuriac

Confucius say, "He who masturbate into cash register come into money."

An optimist looks at the glass and says it's half full. A pessimist looks at the glass and says it's half empty. A Cubs fan looks at the glass and says, "When's it gonna spill?"

Deus Impetitio Esuritori Nullus