6000


PIXIES "ONE MILLION" THREAD END CALCULATOR
-Toast

start time: 5/9/03 9:59 PM
reply goal: 1,000,000
current time: 6/26/03 11:57 PM
reply count: 6,000

still needed: 994,000 replies
elapsed time: 48 days 1 hours 58.0 minutes

reply rate: 124.8 replies/day
OR 5.20 replies/hour
OR 0.087 replies/minute

time to goal: 11,470,429 minutes
OR 191,174 hours
OR 7,966 days
OR 21.8 years

est. achievement date: 4/17/25 1:45 PM

Woo Hoo!!! Yea Milk Toast!

oh yea..6001

only a few thousand more and I am done with this thread (10k is my limit :) )...

6002...

and now for more bad jokes (I'm not at the bottom of the page I am stealing them from)

6003

--6004--

Doctor Frankenstein sent Igor out to find a brain for his new monster. As Igor walked around, he noticed a sidewalk stand that said "Brains For Sale." Igor couldn't believe his good luck! He went over to investigate and saw a sign that said "Doctor Brains - $8.00 a pound." Another sign read "Paramedic Brains - $12.00 a pound", while other signs read "Nurse Brains - $30.00 a pound", "Truck Driver - $40.00 a pound" and finally "Lawyers Brains - $90.00 a pound." More than a little confused, Igor asked the man behind the cashregister, “How come doctor brains are only worth $8.00 a pound and lawyer brains are worth $90.00 a pound?!” The man replied, “Do you know how many lawyers it takes to make a pound of brains?!”

--6005--

Q. What do you call a deer in the woods with no eyes?

A. No Ideer!



Q. What do you call the same dear with no eyes and no legs?

A. Still No Ideer!

--6006--
<I actually like this one!>

The Wildlife Federation is now advising hikers, hunters, fishermen, rescue dog handlers and others who venture into the woods this year to take extra precautions and to be on the alert for bears. They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on their clothing to alert, but not startle the bears. They also advise people to carry pepper spray in case of an encounter with a bear. It is also a good idea to watch for signs of bear activity. People should be able to recognize the difference between black bear and grizzly bear droppings. Black bear droppings are smaller and contain berries and nuts. Grizzly bear droppings have usually contain small bells and smell like pepper spray!

--6007--

A hunter ran into a bear in the woods. The hunter immediately fell to his knees in fear and buried his face in his hands. Nothing happened and the bear was silent. The hunter slowly peeped through his fingers and saw the bear staring at him with a curious look. The hunter then whispered in a trembling voice, “Dear God, please make this bear a Christain bear!” Suddenly, the bear fell to its knees and looked down toward the ground. The hunter asked the bear, "What are you doing?!" The bear then growled, “I’m saying grace!”

--6008--

Two friends, one an optimist and the other a pessimist, could never agree on any topic of discussion. One day the optimist decided that he had found a good way to pull his friend out of his contstant pessimistic thinking. The optimist owned a hunting dog that could walk on water! The optimist decided to take the pessimist and the dog out duck hunting in a boat. They got out into the middle of the lake, and the optimist shot down a duck. The dog immediately walked out across the water, retrieved the duck and walked right back into the boat! The optimist looked at his pessimistic friend and asked, "Well, what do you think about that?!" The pessimist replied, "So, your dumb dog can't swim, can he?!"

6009

--6010--

<lawyer jokes, I love them>

A Yankee lawyer went duck hunting in Arkansas. The lawyer shot and dropped a duck, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly gentleman asked him what he was doing. The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this field. I'm going into retrieve it." The old farmer replied, "Sorry, sonny. This is my property, and you are not coming over here." The lawyer said, "I am one of the best attorneys in the U.S. and, if you don't let me get that duck, I'll sue you and take everything you have!" The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how we do things here in Arkansas. We settle small disagreements like this with the Arkansas Three-Kick Rule." The lawyer asked, "What is the Arkansas Three-Kick Rule?" The farmer answered, "Well, first I kick you three times and then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth, until someone gives up!" The lawyer quickly thought about the proposed contest and decided that he could easily take the old farmer, so he agreed to abide by the local custom. The old farmer slowly climbed down from his tractor and walked up to the lawyer. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy work boot into the lawyer's groin and dropped him to his knees! His second kick nearly wiped the lawyer's nose off his face! The lawyer was flat on his belly when the farmer's third kick to a kidney nearly caused him to give up! The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to his feet and said, "Okay, you old redneck, now it's my turn!" The old farmer smiled and said, "Naw, I give up. You can have the duck!"

--6011--

A turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to perfect a better turkey. His family was fond of the legs for Thanksgiving dinner and there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer finally believed that he had created the perfect Thanksgiving turkey. Excited with his new, miracle turkey, the farmer ran into the house to tell his wife the good news. "Honey, I finally did it! I bred the perfect Thanksgiving turkey! This turkey has 6 legs!" The farmer's wife replied, "That's great! Does it taste the same as normal turkeys?!" The farmer scratched his head and answered, "I don't rightly know. I never could catch the dang thing!"

6012

--6013--

A Russian couple were walking down a street in Moscow one night when the man felt a drop hit his nose. The husband said to his wife, "I think it's raining." The wife replied, "No, that felt like snow to me, dear." The husband said, "No, I'm sure that it was just rain." They were about to have a major argument about whether it was raining or snowing. Just then, they saw a minor communist party official walking towards them. The husband said, "Let's not fight about it. Let's ask Comrade Rudolph whether it's officially raining or snowing." As Comrade Rudolph approached, the husband said, "Tell us, Comrade Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?" Comrade Rudolph answered, "It's raining, of course." As Comrade Rudolph walked away, the wife still insisted that it was snowing. The husband finally said, "Dear, you are wrong. Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."

--6014--

On New Year's Eve God looked down at Earth and saw all of the evil that was going on. He decided to send an angel down to Earth to check things out. The angel returned and told God, "Yes it is bad on Earth. 95% is bad and only 5% is good." God thought for a moment and decided to send down a second angel to get another point of view. When the second angel returned, the angel said, "Yes, the Earth is in decline. 95% is bad and only 5% is good." God said this was not good. God decided to send an e-mail to the 5% that were good. He wanted to encourage them in the new year and keep them going down the right path. Do you know what that e-mail said? What?! You didn't get one either?!

6015

--6016--

Q. How do you make a tissue dance?



A. Put some boogie in it!

--6017--

Bob received a free ticket to the Super Bowl from his company. Unfortunately, when Bob arrived at the stadium, he realized the seat was in the last row in the corner of the stadium. He was closer to the Goodyear Blimp than the field! About halfway through the first quarter, Bob noticed an empty seat 10 rows off the field right on the 50-yard line! He decided to take a chance and made his way through the stadium and around the security guards to the empty seat. As he sat down, he asked the gentleman sitting next to him, "Excuse me, is anyone sitting here?" The man said, "No." Very excited to be in such a great seat for the game, Bob said to the man next to him, "This is incredible! Who in their right mind would have a seat like this at the Super Bowl and not use it?!" The man replied, "Well, actually, the seat belongs to me. I was supposed to come with my wife, but she passed away. This is the first Super Bowl we haven't been to together since we got married in 1967." Bob said, "That's really sad, but still, couldn't you find someone to take the seat? A relative or a close friend?" The man replied, "No, they're all at the funeral!"

--6018--

Q. What did the trainer say to Mike Tyson after the fight?



A. No, stupid, it's an "eye for an eye"!

--6019--

Q. Mike Tyson's psychologist told Iron Mike to take a year off?



A. Mike obviously misunderstood! It's a good thing the doctor didn't say take two years off!

6020

--6021--

Q. What is Mike Tyson's favorite football team?



A. The Tampa Bay Buc-an-EARS!

--6022--

Q. Did you hear where Mike Tyson wanted to hold his next fight?



A. Erie, Pennsylvania!

--6023--

Q. Did you hear about the new Mike Tyson burger?



A. There is a piece of the champ in every bite!

6024

--6025--

On opening day, a New York Yankee's scout brought a horse with him to add to the starting line-up! The coach asked, "What did you bring that horse here for?" The scout replied, "Wait until you see him bat." All the players were laughing until the horse came to bat. The horse grabbed the bat in its mouth, and everyone got quiet and stared at the horse. The pitcher threw the ball toward home plate, and surprisingly the horse hit the ball out of Yankee Stadium! Then the horse just stood there and didn't move. The coach yelled at the scout to tell the horse to run to first base. The scout looked back at the coach and said, "If the horse could run, he'd be at Belmont!"

6026

OK, that does it for me... g'night.

--6027--

6028

I'm sure that was also just up in the rotation... eh? ;) Hmmm....

damn, I gotta go... ciao.

6029

Oh stop...Milk Toast, I thought you said you were over it? Well...I'll just have to make up for it again....any suggestions??

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